library archive #14

swinging with grit and growth swing through times of struggles

a poetic story of soul-searching, re-visited

I stopped everything and listened
really, but that, what else could I do
that incessant chattering, so
suppressed me, like a really bad flu.

Shouldn’t they stop? 
they were guests after all, but
push continued
until this Humpty did fall.

My voice, then so weak
somehow powered this refrain
as a tormented victim 
in that life-altering chain.

Swung wildly in depths of despair
confusion and pressure from those previous seeds
reasons thought vague, oh why? why? why?
I considered all ends as a way to be freed.

Pondering did I
began writing and thinking 
to rattle the chain
I might lose or I could gain.

Well, I could hardly keep up 
they were speaking so fast
then I realized, each phrase 
much more clear than the last.

Their rhythm, once stoic 
becomes weak and unsteady 
fear still, subdued, yet with 
hope, did they leave, already?

Still cautious, being aware
change, clears oppressive air
‘N. O.’ finally arrives
to support the repair.

She had been far away 
for a long, long time
but such is worth the wait, 
stunning, so sublime.

Did I breathed, or did I gasp?
a gushing of relief
just knowing she would alter,
their plying for belief.

So I set down my notebook 
a pause in my writing
meditating the moment,
still ripe, for the righting.

Upon my return, 
and did promptly serve the tea 
yes, for each of my
guests, each thirsty, all three.

Strange, that I felt compassion
but I could see their struggles, not few
with unique stories, struggles
and the joys, I shared that journey, too.

This was an intervention of sorts
to close they took leave
wholehearted I knew, I had earned, an
enduring reprieve.

That ‘N. O.’ extends stays, my soul does hold
embrace, with such gratitude, with such pleasure
does so empower, as a source of strength
engage with life, as an unburied treasure!

With special thanks to the 3 characters in my narrative story/poem: DepressionSelf-Doubt and especially, my Nurturing-Other (a.k.a. ‘N. O.’ or the ‘third’ that walks beside me).

Each, in their own ways, have played significant roles in my personal growth. I realize, in retrospect — and with tons of reflection — I still carry all in my heart at all times, always balancing and staying aware.

XO for self- and other-compassion. You can’t recover without it.:)

Namasté, Leah

© 2019 Leah J, M.Ed. Psychology writer/artist/teacher
The ART of Living the Matrix

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